HISTORIC DRUG BUST: Police seize enough fentanyl to kill every person on earth.
WFLA/Substance— Sheriff’s deputies in Topeka, Kansas say a drug bust has recovered enough fentanyl to kill 7.753 billion people.
“It appears that drug traffickers are embarking on a new strategy: to wipe human life from the face of the earth,” said police chief Steve Sampson at a press conference Friday. “Our brave peace officers, working in concert with federal agents in Operation Dragon Fire Hell Buster Cobra, burst into the trailer park home of 45-year-old Kurt Schneider. There, they found multiple boxes of Cocoa Pebbles brand cereal containing the lethal substance.”
Of late, drug traffickers have smuggled their deadly product in popular candy brands, such as Whoppers, NERDs, and now, the popular children’s cereal.
“They were Yabba-Dabba — Deadly!” Sampson somberly said.
According to estimates by the Drug Enforcement Agency, each cocoa pebble sized dose of fentanyl can kill one million people. Therefor, a single box contains enough of the lethal opioid to wipe homo sapiens off the face of the earth.
At press time, drug traffickers decided that repeated drug busts have convinced them to stop peddling dangerous illicit drugs and the drug supply shrunk to zero. In another victory for law enforcement, humanity decided to stop getting high.