Marco Rubio's grandfather was literally an "illegal alien"

Yesterday, Secretary of State Marco Rubio (it feels so weird to say that—“Little Marco” looks like his Dad took him to the office and let him sit behind the desk and doodle) announced he’s revoking the visas of South Sudan passport holders. He Tweeted from his father’s office:

I am taking actions to revoke all visas held by South Sudanese passport holders and to restrict any further issuance to prevent entry into the United States, effective immediately, due to the failure of South Sudan's transitional government to accept the return of its repatriated citizens in a timely manner.

Rubio’s order unilaterally reverses their Temporary Protected Status (TPS). It’s another step to enact mass deportations and serves as a reprisal to South Sudan for refusing “repatriation” planes. Former residents of South Sudan now have to live in terror they’ll be abducted for wearing Michael Jordan sneakers, as proof of their Tren de Aragua membership, and shipped off to the death gulag in El Salvador.

As per my usual rigorous reporting for this blog, I Googled, “How did Marco Rubio’s family come to America?” Well! Funny I should ask.

In 2010, there was a minor controversy when it was revealed that Rubio had falsely depicted his parents as political refugees from Castro’s Cuba. Records showed that they had immigrated in 1956, not 1959, as he’d claimed. He apologized, sort of.

Ahead of his book's release, Rubio told USA Today that he didn't know the details of his parents' story until he began research for his book. "I should have known," he said. However, Rubio said it is ultimately irrelevant whether his parents fled the Castro regime or left Cuba before the Marxist leader came into power.

Please. My grandparents were Communist escapees. They never shut up about it. I know, like, the color of the car whose trunk my grandmother stuffed herself into to cross the border (red).

Anyway, Rubio nevertheless celebrated his family’s immigrant journey.

Rubio touts his family's story as the embodiment of the American dream. "I've been able to accomplish things professionally that they were not able to," Rubio said of his parents and grandfather, because "God has blessed me with the opportunity to be an American son."

There’s the story of his grandfather. CBS reported that after a brief stint in the U.S. he went back to Cuba. He returned in 1962, without a visa. Cubans couldn’t get visas after US consulates closed. He was ordered to go back to Cuba. He didn’t. Rubio’s biographer (who the fuck is like “My life’s calling is to be Marco Rubio’s biographer”?) explains why:

On October 14, a U2 spy plane captured images of a missile site in western Cuba. The discovery became public eight days later, when President Kennedy went on television to address the nation.

Once that news broke, how could anyone have faulted Pedro Victor for staying? The course of world events was making it almost inconceivable that he would be forced to leave. Commercial air travel to Cuba was suspended. The world was on the brink of nuclear war for another six days, until Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev announced on Radio Moscow that the missiles would be removed.

Gosh, I wonder if there’s anything happening in South Sudan where anyone can fault South Sudanese immigrants for wanting to stay in the US? Five years of Civil War, which does not show promising signs of abating:

In 2024, additional peacekeepers and urgent forces were deployed to hotspots in South Sudan after an escalation in intercommunal violence led to an increase in civilian deaths, abductions, and displacements. Meanwhile, South Sudan continues to suffer from one of the worst humanitarian crises in the world, magnified by the worsening effects of climate change, macroeconomic shocks, and spillover from the nearby civil war in Sudan. Long-delayed elections scheduled for December 2024 have been further postponed to December 2026.

Look. Just like the first Trump term killed comedy (“He’s orange!”— every late night talk show host) this one will kill opinion writing. How many times can you write something where the point is, “These people are shameless hypocritical vermin, nothing makes sense anymore, and the world is going to Hell?”

Suggestions in the comments please!